donncabonnaxo

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without my friends. They are a blessing in my life. Yes, I’ve had friends in the past who come and go but for the ones who stayed, I am grateful for. I have a small amount of friends. I don’t have that one best friend because I have a lot of best friends. There are eight people, who I would consider my best friends.

My friend named Ciara aka Ciara bear, we met the football game her freshman year and my sophomore year. I asked her for a hair tie and after that we became friends. I watched her grow from a teen to an adult and it makes me proud of the person she becoming. She sees me as her big sister because she is the only child in her family.  My friend named Emily, we met our freshman year in high school. But we kind of stop talking throughout the years, but then reconnected senior year. She’s been my friend ever since. My friend named Erika, we met my senior year on the dance team. She is the biggest brat that I’ve ever met but she’s also wild. I call her my wild spirit animal because if I was crazy I would be her. My friend named Diana, we actually met in college my first year winter quarter. We had English together. She’s the type of person I wish I met earlier. I remember I was going through a really hard time in spring quarter of last year. She was there for me through it all, I love her for that. My friend named Jamie, we met freshman year of high school. He is literally a guy version of me. We don’t hang out as much because we’re so busy throughout our life. But he’s always been there through thick and thin, always a phone call away.  My friend named Adriana aka “Tito”, we met in eighth grade. We did volleyball, cheer, and soccer together. I love her crazy ass, she always wants a challenge and is down for anything. My friend is named Joseluis aka “Jlo”. He’s a day one, we met way back in middle school. He also did cheer with me. That’s how he got his nickname “Jlo”. He’s so freakin ‘funny, I’m always laughing when I’m with him. My friend named Cory, met junior year of high school. She is always encouraging me to do better even though it may be good enough, she thrives me to do better in any situation. The baddest of all, a queen.

These beautiful people are my best friends, and I love them all dearly. I say my friends are like a circle because a circle has no end. That’s how long my friendships will last with them. 

I love to stargaze in my spare time. It’s so peaceful, relaxing, and of course beautiful. The night sky is without the sun out and everyone is asleep. It’s just you and stars, oh and the moon too.

Let’s say you look at a star, would you know if that star was dead that every moment? Probably not, you wouldn’t know because that star you are seeing is from the past. This happens because of the light year. It’s crazy how light year actually works, we wouldn’t know exactly what’s going on in the Milky Way right now because of the speed of light. We would have to wait 100,000 years just to find out what exactly is going on in our Milky Way today. like if you wanted to know what was going on in our Milky Way right now we would have to wait 100,000 years later to find out, crazy!

I live in the city in the middle of nowhere in the desert. In order for me to see the stars(perfectly) I would have to drive two hours outside of the city.  Ever heard of light pollution?, it really sucks. Las Vegas, Nevada has a lot of light pollution, directly overhead greater than 14,000 per square meter at night. Too much light pollution can wash out starlights and make it hard to see stars. 

I remember taking Elliot to go to stargaze  with me, it was spectacular. I swear I was the happiest person ever. We had snacks, drinks and slow music in the background. Cuddled up in blankets, laying on the grass. I remember thinking the universe brought us together. I wonder just like how the speed of light works,  when I first met him I was seeing him as his past. The perfect person and as time passed by and, you got to look deeper into that person, they start to change. They’re not what you thought they were anymore, dead inside like a star. 

It was the summer of the Fourth of July. I was at a party with another guy, while he was there with another girl. We played beer pong and decided to switch partners. We clicked right away and exchanged numbers. We hardly texted because we were both busy throughout our day. But we made time for each other at night, at least 2-3 days out of the week. I remember my heart beating so fast when I would sneak out of my house. That thrill you get in your body shouting fuck it, and run to the car, and speeding off before you get caught. We would watch movies, stargazed, listen to music, cuddle, and watch the sunrise together. Life was good. Nothing could make our stay apart from each other. But that was all in the beginning, we lasted 6 months, not dating, not a thing, but just kept each other company. 

I set this boundary up the minute we started hanging out, only because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. If he got attached and I didn’t feel the same, I wouldn’t want to be fucked up making him think I led him on or something. But nope, I was the fool here because I caught feelings. I would catch him on his phone texting other girls, while he was with me. I so badly wanted to say something but how could I if we were nothing. We hardly talked to each other in person lmao because we didn’t need to talk, we had this deep connection in our eyes. I would go and hang out with other guys and he knew but didn’t say anything to me. Little did he know though, every time I was with another guy, I felt nothing. But with him, I felt everything, all the butterflies, the nervousness. I for real though one night driving to his house, I was going to get a heart attack from the thrill I got just going to go see him. I wonder if he ever thought about how I felt about him texting other girls. Let alone he probably was with those other girls, treating them the same way he treated me. 

I tried for weeks to stay away from him, but there I was again another night. I found myself in a toxic fling or whatever. We argue only because I wanted to see him in the daytime and he “couldn’t” make time. I told myself if I told him I liked him, and he didn’t say anything back. I would leave him for good. I was in too deep and I couldn’t tell you if this was the love I imagine but I took the risk anyway. I told him and of course what I didn’t want to happen, the silent treatment… I got nothing out of him. The look he gave me like he was so disappointed in me, the same look I would give to the guys who I cut off because I simply didn’t feel the same back, and I didn’t want to continue to hurt them. Sounds like Karma is a bitch, but he didn’t cut me off. I would try to leave and he would use things against me if I left him. I remember this one night I told him “ not tonight leave me alone” and he showed up at my house. He texted me here and there I went, sneaking out again, running to his car like a dumbass. But like a dumbass himself, he would try to end things between us but my dumbass again didn’t want to end things. We didn’t care how bad things were between us, we ignored it. But we couldn’t ignore it forever. I hurt him by making him think that he was good for me and that his text other girls are okay, it’s all okay, but it hurt me. He knew he couldn’t be the guy I wanted him to be. As much as he says he “cares” about me, we were toxic for each other. He knew that he was hurting me because he knew that I wanted him all to myself. He made me feel alive. I swear he was my person. He just needed more time and we would work things out. Everything about his appearance was beautiful, his lips, his hair, his colored eyes, the way he dressed, ugh the way he fuckin smiled. The lack of energy wasn’t fading away, it seemed like I was the only one who was putting the effort in. I couldn’t help it, the minute we were together his phone would go off. I would hold back my tears because I didn’t want him to think I was overly obsessed with him. If he cared about me the way he said he does then why would he do that to me. I just need to stay far away from him. 

I wish I never met him that summer but at the same time, I’m so grateful I did. Yes, it was toxic and yes it hurt me in the end. But I will never get to relive those moments, living my life to the fullest and not caring. I don’t have any regrets because I’m proud that my heart was so pure. I’m never ashamed of my love. Now I’m finding strength in the fact that he is nothing to me and I know the things I am above. The healing process is real, I can’t say there has not been one time I wanted to go back but I know I need to do this for myself. I will continue to fight every day to be worthy to myself and take in the true value of my love not to be taken advantage of. That summer changed everything, how not to be treated by any man. I believe that’s why God brought him to me, not for a blessing but a lesson. 

I find myself as a busy person and hardly have time to hang out with friends. I grew up fast and couldn’t afford to fool around. I’ve never actually been in love… I think I kind of trick my mind that I am but really not in love lol. My expectation has always been high and I always get disappointed, but not surprised. 

As a young girl living in a Mexican household, I had to grow up fast. It wasn’t easy for me. I was placed in positions where I had to always clean the house, always make food, and make sure everyone ate before myself. I always had to dress and act like a lady. While boys got to have fun and get into trouble, they barely got yelled at. While us girls got a whole ass lecture, ugh so annoying. So I really didn’t have time to have fun and play around. I was expected to grow up fast “Donna do this” “Donna do that”. I couldn’t mess up because it showed a sign of weakness or disappointment. I guess in that way, I put my standards high and if a guy who liked me or I like them was below that standard… bye bye. 

I have 3 older sisters and while they were in high school all three of them dated guys. Except me, I didn’t date in high school. Everytime, one of my sisters would come home they were either happy asf, sad, angry, then happy again. Two of my sisters got cheated on in high school, I didn’t like the idea of that and I never wanted to go through it. Plus, I had a lot of friends who would get cheated on and I knew but I didn’t say anything because it was none of my business… so yeah. Don’t get me wrong I did talk to guys but I let them know my intentions right away, that I wasn’t looking for something serious. 

When I was a cheerleader I was talking to this guy named Elliot, he was the football team quarterback. So it was the perfect ideal couple, but as many times as we tried to make things work, I just didn’t want anything serious with him. Plus, I feel like I have a second person, it’s like I’m always second-guessing myself. I was just so unsure with myself all the time, and I didn’t wanna make permanent decisions on temporary emotions. 

Now, I go to school full-time and work on the side. I hardly have time to hang out with friends because I’m either studying or sleeping. I’m chasing that degree and don’t have time to get distracted. But this past summer, the guy I met I don’t know… changed my whole perspective about love…. 

To be continued…

It was my 15th birthday and I got a make up  kit as a gift. I wasn’t really into make up as a child, I was kind of a tomboy. I think my mom was giving me a sign to act like a girl now, not a boy lol. I would come home after school bored out of my mind because my mom didn’t want to give me a phone. So, I would play with make up.  I would be all glammed up but wouldn’t be bold enough to wear it out in public. But as I got older in high school I was pretty good at it and I got a lot of compliments on my eyeshadow all the time. Girls would come up to me to ask if I can do their make up for homecoming or prom. I guess you can say this is how I made money on the side. But I really enjoyed it! I love, love, love Bretman and Jeffree Star, they are YouTubers. I love their makeup industry and what they have created to enjoy playing with makeup. Makeup is art it’s not what defines beauty but what you can create on your face, in my opinion. It’s a choice and you can wear it however you want. That’s what I like about makeup. See in our society many women are demanded to be a certain way or act a certain way but feeling themselves. But with makeup on(which you created) can make you feel good about yourself, bravery, self-control, confidence. Here is a picture of my work 🙂

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As long as I can remember, dancing was one of my favorite things to do as a child. I started dancing when I was six years old, I was on a drill team for the Thunder’s football team. We practiced during their practice and performed at halftime. I remember we got the opportunity to travel to Seattle and perform on the stage for the Seattle sounders event. It was my best childhood memory that I remember to this day. I carried on dancing throughout my life. I did cheer my junior year and then I moved on to dancing my senior year. The cheer was an amazing experience, I loved every moment I got. I remember cheering at the football game and the crowd called out my name to do a cheer called “Get up and move something”. I turned around and did the intro and accidentally farted… The crowd chanted and laughed at me at the same time. I was so embarrassed, I wanted to cry. But just like any other cheerleader would do, I carried on cheering as if nothing had happened. My senior year came around and I tried out for the dance team. Happily and exciting I was, I made the team. We competed in different schools to represent our school dance team. It took a lot of dedication and commitment. We had practice six days out of the week, up to 4 to 6 hours a day. We had so much drama going on throughout the year between the dance team and the cheer team. But when I was in cheer, I didn’t even know we had a dance team HAHAHA. Some of the girls on my team didn’t like me that’s okay I was only there to dance. Now, I attend Nevada state college and I’m the captain on the dance team.

Since I was a young girl, I always felt like there was a part of me missing. I think it’s because ever since I was old enough to understand who I am, I’ve noticed I have two personalities. Now that I’m older I’ve put a lot of thought into this and have come to the conclusion that I probably ate my twin in the womb.

I say probably because my mom doesn’t want to tell me the truth. In our family history having twins is common, from both my mom’s and dad’s side of the family. Since my parents conceived five children, you can’t ignore the fact that they possibly had twins. I remember playing at recess with my friends, and there were these mean girls who always picked on other girls. One minute I would be with my friends having a good time, and playing nicely. The next minute I would turn into one of those mean girls. I didn’t think anything of until it started happening more frequently. I’ve always seen myself as a shy nice person and not really wanting to be in the spotlight. But like a switch, I’ll be talking loud, being bossy, and trying to do something crazy.

At first I was like “okay Donna you’re just crazy and you’re getting ahead of yourself”. But now, I truly believe that I have a second identity in me and I’ve accepted it. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, but I want to say that she’s a girl. I named her Maribella. When I think about Maribella I see her as a wild, crazy, and fun person.

In high school acne was a struggle for me. I was very self-conscious and I didn’t want to face the world. It all started when I ate a bag of chocolate for three days, within a week I noticed my first pimple.  I made the worst mistake by picking at it, which caused more pimples to appear. The best way to make myself feel semi-comfortable, was to cover it up with makeup. I tried all these products and treatments to get rid of acne but, no solution. 

I talked to my aunt who is an esthetician about my acne problem, and she told me that maybe it’s the food that I eat.  And that I should look into eating more foods that are the color green. Such as spinach, kale, grapes, peas, green bell peppers, and lettuce. 

I took her advice and incorporated it into my daily routine. During school for lunch they had this green stuff called spinach. I added it to my chicken sandwich, everyday. Within a week I started seeing results. My skin was clearer and was glowing. At first I didn’t think this green leaf called spinach could have such a powerful effect on skin. Most people hate eating spinach, but not me. Spinach has a powerful source of iron, folate, vitamin E, magnesium, vitamin A, fiber, plant protein, and vitamin C. Due to vitamin C, E, and A antioxidants they are great for your skin. Vitamin C helps your body to repair damage skin cells. Vitamin E helps nutrition and protect your skin from damage caused by free radicals. Vitamin A helps to normalize oil production, leaving the skin less oil and more balance. I can’t say all types of different skins are the same, but if you’ve been in the same boat as I have. And you found no solution to treatment after treatment, product after product, try this nutritionist plant spinach and see if it makes a difference in your skin as it did in mine. 

Donna Cabonna is 19 years old and lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. She attends Nevada State college, living at home still. She prefers TV shows over movies. One of her favorite shows is called Power because at the end of every episode it leaves a cliffhanger. Some of Donna’s favorite activities include stargazing, going to parties, and doing makeup. She has zero kids and loves eating spinach as a solution to her acne. She finds herself adventurist and a risk taker that can get her into trouble but she doesn’t care. As long as, it keeps her heart racing. Every risky moment she goes through, she lives it up to the fullest like there is no tomorrow. Donna loves the people who are close to her and keeps it real, if the same energy is in return. She loves music and having the ability to dance. An interesting fact about Donna is she doesn’t make permanent decisions on temporary emotions, when coming to love. Also, Donna has a twin sister but she ate her in their mothers worm… stay tuned!